For days, Sia kept singing a song that she learned from school. It goes like this:
“My mommy is the best-
The best there ever was.
And I love her just because-”
Then she went on with all sorts of reasons. That line changes every time she sings the song. A couple of days ago, it was because I take her to places like camping (an inside joke because we have never done an overnight camping trip). Today it was “She makes me everything I want to eat.”
I do make healthy homemade meals. Yesterday she had oxtail soup for dinner (truly a labor of love) and today her breakfast was a piece of homemade sourdough sausage bread. Bread and sausage, what not to like?
I also sang in response:
“My daughter is the best. The best there ever was. And I love her just because-”
She walked up to me and blurted out, “I hate myself.”
My heart skipped a bit, but I tried not to show. At any rate, I didn’t know whether she really meant it.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because…” And she began her tale.
I was worried. Sia used to be so confident about everything and anything. Six months into school, her self-esteem seems to have plummeted. She told me that she’s the only one who can’t read yet. Her teacher told me that there’s a group of few students, and she’s hardly the only one, but she must have felt bad about it. She was also self-conscious about her writing skills—or lack thereof. She doesn’t know how to write all the abc’s yet. She went on how she was no good at art and how forgetful she is and leaves things behind all the time, and so on.
Many counter arguments popped in my head, but I wanted her to feel heard. I listened. Then I gave her a big hug.
“I can see that you are worried about some things and that you feel like you may not be good at anything. But remember. No one is perfect. We’re all learning. And nobody is good at everything from the get go. You may not have figured it out yet, but you’re learning and trying. And that’s what matters.”
She didn’t seem convinced. Then I told her that I had a million reasons to love her. I told her I’d list thirty of them on the spot. And I did.
Sia seemed to relent a little after I listed all thirty reasons. To a much happier little girl, I added:
“Don’t you ever forget that you’re smart, kind, and important. (I borrowed these from The Help.) You see, there are so many reasons to love you. Don’t you forget that. I want you to love yourself first, even more than mommy and daddy. That’s the most important thing in life: To love yourself. Unconditionally.”
Easier said than done. Now it’s time for me to walk the walk.
Uz's Alley 